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Living for Today – Ready for Tomorrow

Talking About It Checklist

As people age, it's important for them to talk openly with their families about their future needs, possible living arrangements and the alternatives available (home health care, relying on family and moving to a senior's home or long-term care facility).

But according to a new study sponsored by Bayshore Home Health, surprising differences of opinion exist between adult children and their aging parents. While both parties claim it's not that difficult to talk about tough topics, one quarter of adult children said they avoid speaking to parents about difficult things while one in five parents say they do the same.

This checklist outlines some suggestions to help ensure that families are talking about important issues including aging, care, finances, funeral arrangements and more.

1. Avoid having a difficult conversation over the telephone. Face-to-face is the preferred approach.
2. Prepare in advance but don't be so well prepared that you don't listen to the other person's point of view. Have some relevant facts and examples to support your case. Seek out neutral advice or expert opinions ahead of time so you are as knowledgeable as possible. Consult with other family members so you understand their position and willingness to offer assistance.
3. Try having the conversation with yourself first and think over how you would want to be approached on the subject. Anticipate your loved one's objections and formulate a reasonable response.
4. Ask for permission before having a difficult conversation. If it's not a good time to talk, try again another time.
5. Approach the conversation by easing into your concerns—springing a harsh comment on an unsuspecting person won't lead to a constructive discussion. At the same time, get to the point by gently focusing on the problem right away.
6. Be prepared to compromise.
7. Keep the conversation calm and rational, even though you may be feeling a lot of emotions.
8. Don't be upset by a hostile response. Your loved one may be reacting this way through fear.
9. You and your family may need some time for the conversation to sink in. Try taking a break and agree to regroup at a later date.